As coaches, we observe behavior and often make snap judgments about what that behavior means. I know I'm guilty of this.
An athlete is walking during a drill → they're lazy.
Someone laughs just five minutes after a tough loss → they don't care.
These actions could mean exactly what I/you/we think they mean. But they could also mean something entirely different.
An athlete is walking → they're going through something personal, and simply showing up today is taking all their energy.
Someone laughs after a loss → laughter is their defense mechanism, and they actually feel like crying inside.
When coaches assume intent behind actions, we tell ourselves a story about why an athlete is behaving a certain way. These assumptions shape how we treat and engage with our athletes. And this can be extremely damaging. Once we believe an athlete is lazy or doesn't care, everything that athlete does reinforces that belief. It influences the lens through which we see them. This shapes how we approach them, how we teach them, and ultimately, how they experience being part of our team.
The Distinction: Assuming Intent vs. Being Curious
Imagine you're driving down the road and someone is tailgating you. They're riding your bumper like a NASCAR driver trying to get around you. Then they start honking and flashing their high beams. You're getting annoyed and frustrated; they're being unsafe and disrespectful. Maybe part of you even wants to slow down just to make them wait longer.
Instead, you switch lanes. As they pass you, they wave, signaling thank you. Then you notice the woman in the passenger seat is in active labor.
Your whole perception of that interaction has changed. You might still think they were driving unsafely, but now you're probably hoping they make it to the hospital in time, hoping the baby and mother are okay. Just moments ago, you were cursing under your breath and considering making their journey harder.
Behavior/Incident: Someone tailgating you down the road.
Your assumptions/the story you tell yourself: The driver is dangerous. They're selfish. They're a jerk.
How it affects your behavior: You get angry and upset. You curse under your breath. You want to slow down and block them.
Once you understand their circumstance: You want other people to get out of their way. You hope they make it in time and that everyone stays healthy.
That's the difference between assuming intent and being curious.
Why This Matters in Coaching
We all do this. The goal isn't to be perfect; it's to start recognizing when we fall into these patterns so we can pivot.
Let's look at how this plays out in a coaching context.
Behavior/Incident: An athlete is constantly talking while you're giving directions.
Your assumptions/the story you tell yourself: They're disrespectful. They don't listen. They think they know more than you. They're never going to play if they can't pay attention. It doesn't matter what I do; they're never going to focus.
How it affects your behavior: When they ask a question, you get upset and yell at them because they're only asking because they never pay attention. If they mess up a drill, you don't take time to explain why; you just yell at them for not listening. No matter what, if they don't understand what's going on, it's their fault.
Their actual circumstance: They have a hard time focusing and hearing you when you speak. They're always asking teammates questions because they can't hear you clearly. But you always yell at them, so they're afraid to come to you for help.
Once you understand their circumstance: You position the athlete closer to you during instructions. When explaining something new, you periodically check the whole team for understanding. You get that athlete to demonstrate the drill so they can grasp the flow through action.
The Risks of Assuming Intent
When we assume intent, we stop asking questions. The assumptions we make will impact how we coach that athlete moving forward.
An athlete doesn't talk much → they're shy or not a great leader.
Once we label athletes as lazy, disengaged, or "not leaders," we place them in a box and assume they'll stay there. Whenever we see them do anything outside our frame, we rationalize it away and stick them right back in that box.
What I'm suggesting is that we reframe how we think about the behaviors we observe. Become curious about them before you make assumptions.
When we approach an athlete's behavior with curiosity, we understand them better. But it also does something deeper; it starts to create an environment of psychological safety. The athlete feels seen, listened to, and safe. And when an athlete feels psychologically safe, they're more willing to ask questions, take risks during play, and view mistakes as opportunities for growth.¹
How to Catch Yourself in the Moment
This is the million-dollar question. The answer might be frustrating: it takes time and patience.
Step 1: Define your terms.
Take a moment to clarify what certain words mean to you:
- What does "being focused" mean? What does it look like?
- What does "paying attention" mean? What does it look like?
- What does "caring" mean? What does it look like?
- What does "not caring" mean? What does it look like?
- What does "working hard" mean? What does it look like?
These are the assumptions you carry. These are the lenses through which you interpret behavior.
Step 2: Reflect after each practice.
Ask yourself:
- What were the observable behaviors I saw today?
- What went through my head as those behaviors were happening? (Notice your assumptions at work.)
- What else could those behaviors mean?
The more you practice this reflection, the more naturally curiosity will begin to replace your assumptions and the stories you’re telling yourself.
Understanding this distinction and catching ourselves in the moment is the first step toward Universal Design Coaching.
Reach out, I’m curious to know what you come up with.
Resources
- Radic, Vanja. "Psychological Safety in Sports: How to Build Trust and Win." Vanja Radic Coaching, 30 Apr. 2025, vanjaradic.fi/psychological-safety-in-sports/.
Tip: click any word to jump the reader to that point.