What Should I Be Looking For? Part 1

When I speak with coaches, the number-one question I get is, "What should I be looking out for?" Usually they want a neat list of traits to reference whenever a new athlete shows up, and then a list of to-do's for when they spot them. I love the question. It means the coach wants to understand their athletes. But the real answer is harder than a list, because people are more complicated than a set of 15-20 behaviors. Like my conversation with those coaches, I don’t want you (yes, you!) to get discouraged by my answer either… so, stay with me!

It's a skill you probably haven't used much, and like any skill, it'll feel uncomfortable at first (think about the first time you stepped in the weight room!). Your ability to observe your athletes, make adjustments, and notice patterns comes straight out of your ability to challenge your own assumptions. So if you haven't read the post on challenging your assumptions as a coach, or worked through the reflection guide, start there BEFORE anything else.

Two things before we get into it. First, we are not diagnosing anyone. We're observing behaviors and adjusting based on what we see. If a parent shares a formal diagnosis, great. You've got a head start on what that athlete might need, but you still have to do the observing, because if you've met one neurodivergent person, you've met one neurodivergent person. Second, everything below is a starting point, not a prescription. Every individual is different, and I don't know your context, so take these and adjust them to fit your athletes and your environment.

One last thing. I'm only pointing out behaviors that might go against what you're used to seeing. Every single person has strengths and areas to grow, and every team is better for having a variety of brains on the roster.

This week: social communication and interaction, routines, and flexibility.

Social communication + interaction

1. Your observation: The athlete has a hard time with ambiguity and tends to take everything you say literally.
   1. Questions to ask: When you give an instruction, do they follow it in a way that suggests they took the words literally rather than what you intended? Do they get confused when you use figurative language ('run through the wall,' 'leave it all on the floor')?
   2. Possible adjustment: Speak concretely and communicate clearly. If they have to read between the lines, they’re most likely going to miss your point, and the uncertainty of communication is going to crowd their brain space.
2. Your observation: The athlete misses non-verbal cues (nods, hand signals from the bench, facial expressions from teammates). You've caught yourself thinking, "How did they not see that?"
   1. Questions to ask: Have you asked the athlete how they prefer to communicate in the heat of the game? Do they follow along fine when you verbalize the same information? Do teammates get frustrated when they signal something and the athlete doesn't respond? Is the athlete looking in the right direction but still missing it? Have you made it clear what your hand signals mean?
   2. Possible adjustment: Verbalize what you've been signaling. Instead of a nod for someone to sub in, say the name. Instead of a hand gesture for "spread out," say "spread out." Create your own language and agree on short (1-2 word) cues with your team. Use these where you'd normally rely on non-verbal shorthand.
   3. Possible adjustment: Be clear about what your hand signals mean. Make it universal to the team.. better yet, come up with the signals with your team. Overall, keep them simple and clear.
3. Your observation: The athlete’s teammates report that the athlete never wants to interact in group settings. They say they try to include the athlete in conversations, but the athlete doesn't engage.
   1. Questions to ask: First, watch the athlete with their peers. Do they engage with anyone on the team? How are your one-on-one conversations with the athlete? Do you experience that athlete as someone hard to read (by looking at them in conversation, you can’t tell what they’re thinking or how they might be feeling)? In your experience, do they take a long time to respond? Do they seem not to know how to “read the room”?
   2. Before making any adjustments: Social interactions can be delicate at any age or stage. Talk to the athlete first. Depending on their age, this conversation will look different. However, the “fundamentals” of this conversation are to make them feel safe and heard, and for them to know you’re on their team. The goal of this conversation is for you to gauge how they feel about their interactions with their teammates. How do they prefer to communicate with their teammates? Do they even see a problem? Are they happy with just being included and not talking a lot? Do they wish they had more relationships on the team? Do they feel supported? What does their ideal relationship with their teammates look like? The age of the athlete will frame the way in which these questions are asked, but that’s generally the information you want to gather.
   3. Possible adjustment: If (and only if) the athlete has told you they'd like more connection with teammates, here are two possible ways to build it. Do a team-bonding activity with one-on-one interactions, such as completing a specific task or asking specific questions (about their interests). This takes away the burden of having to come up with something on the fly. This allows both the athlete and the teammates to become more comfortable with one another. If they're content as they are, then there’s no need to intervene other than to help their teammates understand that everyone communicates differently. Being present without being chatty is a perfectly valid way to be on a team.
   4. Possible adjustment: Assign the athlete a specific role in group settings. For example, line leader, drill demonstrator, or warm-up counter (this is where your day-to-day practice routines are important). A structured role can reduce the need for social improvisation. Over time, this also helps the athlete learn what works for them.
4. Your observation: The athlete communicates very directly or bluntly, and teammates read it as rude when it isn't meant that way.
   1. Questions to ask:  Does the athlete seem confused when a teammate reacts as if they were mean? Are they stating facts more than expressing opinions/judgments?
   2. Before making adjustments: This is a two-sided coaching moment. The athlete isn't wrong for being direct, and the team isn't wrong for being taken aback. Don't ask the athlete to mask (the act of hiding true personality, traits, or feelings to fit in, avoid judgment, or meet social expectations); help both sides understand each other.
   3. Possible adjustment: In team huddles or locker room sessions, name what direct feedback sounds like on your team. The goal is to normalize direct feedback so athletes view it as positive rather than as an attack. Also, support the direct feedback when it happens.
   4. Possible adjustment: Talk to the athlete about how their words are landing, without labeling their communication style as a problem (because it’s not! There’s just nuance to communication that the athlete might have a hard time reading). Also, if the athlete hasn’t already, encourage them to offer a solution with their feedback. If you have it, share an example of how the athlete seemed hurt by direct feedback; “how did you feel when _____, what do you wish they would have said instead?”
      1. This is especially helpful when the athlete has a hard time understanding when to give certain pieces of direct feedback. In my experience, direct feedback is hard to hear when the person receiving it isn’t in a place to hear it (maybe they’re dysregulated or beating themselves up over the mistake).
5. Your observation: The athlete seems drained or checked out after high-social parts of practice (long team huddles, group stretches, team-bonding time) but is engaged during drills.
   1. Questions to ask: Does their energy drop specifically after social-heavy parts of practice? Do they seem to need more time than others before they can lock back in? Are they still trying, but slower to respond?
   2. Possible adjustment: Shorten team huddles when they don't include critical info: a few minutes, max. Long huddles cost more than most coaches think for athletes who work hard to track group communication.
   3. Possible adjustment:  Build a small buffer between social-heavy blocks and the next drill. Even 60 seconds of individual ball-handling or shot reps gives the athlete a reset before you need them at full engagement again.
6. Your observation: The athlete has a strong interest they want to talk about; sometimes that doesn't fit practice flow.
   1. Questions to ask: Is this connection-seeking? Would they be devastated if you shut it down harshly? Do they light up when they get to explain something they know a lot about?
   2. Possible adjustment: Carve out space for it. Five minutes before practice starts or after practice ends, where you or a teammate can ask, "What have you been into this week?" and let them share. Naming when it's the time for it stops it from bleeding into drill time, and it tells the athlete you care about who they are outside of practice. It also helps you hold an accountability line if they start to get distracted during practice.

Routines + flexibility

1. Your observation: The athlete gets, in your mind, disproportionately upset when you change the rules of the drill mid-drill. This is usually something you’ll notice over time, and it will seem to you that their reaction doesn’t match the intensity of the situation. Some brains love rules. When that changes, it can be difficult for them to adjust.
   1. Questions to ask: Is there a theme to their reactions? For example, is it always when they feel like the rules are changing? Or when they feel like the enforcement of the rules doesn’t make sense or is unfair?
   2. Possible adjustment: If you plan to make changes on the fly, tell your athletes before the drill starts. Something as simple as “we are going to start the scoring _____ way, but I’m going to switch it up a few times throughout the drill.”
   3. Possible adjustment: Be consistent in your enforcement of rules.
2. Your observation: The athlete always asks you what they’re doing for practice that day. Their questioning is persistent.
   1. Questions to ask: When you tell them they’ll find out later or not to worry about it and to get warmed up, does their reaction seem bigger than the situation calls for? Are they so preoccupied with knowing what they’re doing that it seems like they can’t concentrate on anything else?
   2. Possible adjustment: Print or write the practice plan on a board visible to the athletes.
3. Your observation: The athlete has a rough time with transitions between drills. When you blow the whistle to move on, they linger on the last drill, seemingly needing longer than everyone else, or they show up to the next drill a step behind.
   1. Questions to ask: Does this happen every transition or just some? Does it happen on the drills they seem extremely engaged in? Does it seem like they’re still finishing something in their head from the last drill? Are they slower to move but sharp once they're there?
   2. Possible adjustment: Give verbal instructions before going to the next drill. Something like "two more reps, then we are moving on." The advance notice tells the brain what to expect, which can help some brains through the transition.
   3. Possible adjustment: Post the practice plan on a whiteboard (yes, this helps here too!). Once again, understanding expectations and the flow of practice can support athletes.
   4. Possible adjustment: If you have a clock that all athletes can see, set the timer for each drill, so they have a reference for when they’ll complete it. This also helps build clock awareness, which they will need no matter what sport they’re playing.
4. Your observation: The athlete seems to be fixating on when a teammate is absent, late, or leaves mid-practice. They may ask "where is _____?" more than once, and their performance seems to take a dip.
   1. Questions to ask: Does it seem like their reaction is more intense than what the situation calls for? Do you notice them gravitating toward specific teammates? Does their quality of play seem to suffer when their usual partner isn't there?
   2. Possible adjustment: When you can, give a heads-up when there are missing players. Advance notice lets the athlete reset expectations before practice starts instead of scrambling in the moment.
   3. Possible adjustment: Over time, deliberately rotate partners so everyone has a chance to play with all of their teammates. This is good practice for team chemistry and skill-building in general, and it reduces potential disruption when someone is out.

I know, it’s a lot to take in, so don't try to use all of it at once. Pick one observation that reminded you of an athlete you actually coach, watch for it this week, and try one adjustment. Remember, it’s a slow process. You're not trying to catch everything; you're building the habit of noticing.

We'll keep adding categories over the next few weeks. Next week will be executive functioning. For now, hold onto what we started with: we're not diagnosing anyone, and these are starting points, not prescriptions. Every athlete is different, and you know yours better than I do.

Let me know which observation sounded most familiar, and what you decided to try.

Make sure to download the guide below. It’s a tracker for your observations, questions, and adjustments.

I always love hearing from you. Let me know what you come up with.